7 years and counting

My FH told me that she has now been living in this country for 7 years. I am proud to say that I have been part of her life for 4 of these 7 years. She knows that she can tell me anything, and I will always listen to her. I have no other choice, do I? Unlike her humans, who can leave the room or switch on the TV and watch something really boring instead.

But usually my FH has some interesting things to tell. Sometimes they are sad, like last weekend, when some disturbed guy killed a lot of people in Norway. Sometimes they make me feel a bit envious, especially when they involve other benches. My FH sat on several other benches last weekend. My cousin Arnie told me he saw her on a bench by his pond in RHS Wisley Gardens. Good old Archie, he's got a great life down in Wisley. A quiet corner, with views of a much bigger pond than mine.

If you wonder how I can communicate with my bench family, we use birds to send messages. A bit like in Harry Potter, I guess. But we don't use owls. Our birds of choice are jackdaws and magpies. Very intelligent and chatty. And they don't crap all over me like those wood pigeons and the robins.

The weather has improved slightly, but it's still not what I would call summer. Still, better than the heatwave they are having over in the US. I wouldn't enjoy that. 24 celsius will do nicely, thank you.

The squirrels have now decided to move their family into my humans' house. Into the loft somewhere, to be more specific. Bad idea! Very bad idea! They should have left it at the stealing of twine and coir. Shame they don't have stone martens here like in Germany. They would help to reduce the squirrels. Unfortunately they also have a taste for rubber and tend to destroy car engines, so maybe they wouldn't be all that popular, either.

Here's a photo of my cousin Arnie and his pond. Isn't he lucky?

The Great British Summer

Whoever came up with that term should be made to live the rest of their lives as a bench outside some ASDA in Chavtown, having all the Staffies pee against their legs. What a joke! It's like saying "Great British Chocolate" or "Great British Football". Give me spring any time, at least my humans spent a lot of time with me then. Now I hardly get dry between showers and just get "visited" by bird poo. Nothing great about that.

And just look at all the duckweed on the pond again. What a disgrace! I can't see the fish any more. My FH is too busy with school related activities. As if they were more important than looking after my pond.

Here comes another shower. Maybe I should ask for a raincoat for my planks. I don't want to get mouldy. And then get eaten by that huge hornet that I just saw on the old fence. *shudders* 

Exposed benches

Has someone looked on the UK front page of search engine Bing today? They have an interesting photo from somewhere around the world every day, and today the photo is showing a bench. Not just any bench, but my cousin Tynwald. He's made it all the way to the top. The top of some cold windblown hill on some small island which gets the annoying sound of motorbikes every year. I admit the view is quite something, but look at how weathered Tynwald is, and how very few flowers there are around him. No trees at all, and probably some smelly cows or sheep rubbing against him when they feel like it.

Noooooo, I don't envy Tynwald at all. I much prefer to be here in my little garden, surrounded by flowers and frogs, watching my humans and hissing at squirrels. The neighbour has added another object to his sculpture park, this time the model of a Fokker triplane, which is hanging from a branch of the big sycamore. Don't mention the war and all that...

My FH was quite lucky today, because she managed to clean the rabbits before it started to rain. She even had some time to visit me and tell me about her painful back. I hope that wasn't my fault. I know I am not as soft and comfy as a sofa, but I don't think I am a pain in the back, either. Maybe she shouldn't have moved those heavy plant containers. Although I enjoy having more plants around me.

The tree rats have started the hazelnut harvest, so every minute or so a bunch of nibbled nuts gets thrown down from the hazel tree and lands on the garage roof behind me with a bang. How is a bench supposed to concentrate or to relax with that noise going on??? And the nuts are not even ripe yet.

Operation Rabbit Pedicure

Boy, am I glad that today is over. I was close to a nervous breakdown earlier, when my humans decided to sit on me while clipping the rabbits' nails. I got covered in tickly fur and nail clippings, and then they cleaned out some "scent gland folds", as they call them, and chucked the smelly dirt all over my private space. Yuck! How humiliating.

And if that wasn't enough, Luna, that big white bundle of neverending fluff production, managed to escape with one of her mad stunts. She was trying to hide under my planks, and she got sooooooo close to one of my legs. I was terrified that she'd start to nibble it. But then she found something more interesting to eat. My humans caught her again rather quickly, but she was quite upset. An hour later she was munching grass again, though.

My garden is looking splendid. The daylilies have started to produce masses of flowers, and my FH's new rose is also exploding with colour. There is a new vegetable patch inside what used to be an old sandbox, with some courgette and kohlrabi plants for now, and some tomatoes all around it. Let's hope the squirrels will stay away from the plants this time and not destroy them again.

Talking of squirrels, this week one of them proved once again that they are a bunch of thieves. My FH had run a string along the fence, for her passionflower plant to grow along on. And for some reason the cheeky squirrel thought it could come in useful and nibbled it off bit by bit until it was all gone. I have heard of copper wire and lead piping being stolen, but garden string?? That's a new one. We got photos as proof of the crime:

My FH is looking up squirrel recipes as we speak......